Nothing in life is worth having unless you are sharing it with someone – your boat, the view, a bottle of fine wine. Sailing as a couple can be one of life’s greatest pleasures… or one of its fastest routes to disaster.
Before we start, a disclaimer: never take marriage guidance from a yacht broker. That said, after years of watching couples set off to sail the world together – and sometimes watching only one of them return – here are a few hard-earned observations.
The Dream vs Reality
Get it right and you’ll enjoy warm, moonlit nights under a billion stars, anchored in a sheltered cove fringed by emerald palms, sipping wine with turquoise water lapping gently at the hull.
Get it wrong, and you’ll be anchored firmly in hell.
Many cruising stories start the same way. A husband spends years gently persuading his wife that buying a boat and sailing around the world is a wonderful idea. Eventually, worn down, she agrees. The family home is sold. The dream yacht is purchased.
The Captain Problem
When a man buys a new car, he polishes it for weeks and reluctantly hands over the keys. A boat is no different. In his mind, it’s his boat. He believes no one can drive it, sail it, or handle it quite like he can.
Gentlemen – these thoughts stop here.
I’ve seen women climb masts in conditions that would have me hugging the rigging like a koala bear and quietly crying. Carry on believing you are the only capable helmsman and you’re not cruising – you’re cruising for a bruising.
Too often, the man instantly assumes the role of Captain, while his partner is demoted to galley slave and deckhand, running lines, handling fenders, and picking up buoys while being shouted at from the comfort of a dry helm seat.
How Boats Get Sold in the Canary Islands
It usually doesn’t take long before reality sets in. One short passage can be enough. Arguments start. Orders are barked. Rain pours down. Tempers flare.
At the next landfall, the wife steps off the boat and never steps back on. The yacht is immediately sold – or worse, divorce proceedings begin. There’s a reason the Canary Islands are famous for cheap boats.
The Truth Most Men Don’t Want to Hear
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: many women are perfectly capable helmsmen. In fact, given the chance, they often do a better job.
Women tend to be more patient, more methodical, and better at thinking several moves ahead. Men, on the other hand, are often better suited to the physical tasks – handling lines, dropping anchor, picking up buoys.
Recognise this early, and your cruising dreams have a chance of becoming reality.
Sailing Together, Not Against Each Other
If you are serious about sailing as a couple, do yourselves a favour and learn together. Book a sailing course designed specifically for couples. Treat it as team building, not training.
There are excellent programmes built around exactly this challenge, helping couples sail together in harmony rather than conflict. It might just save your relationship – and your boat.
Final Thoughts
Sailing with your loved one can be one of the most rewarding experiences imaginable. But it requires respect, shared responsibility, and leaving the ego ashore.
Get it right, and you’ll share moments that money can’t buy. Get it wrong, and you’ll be listing your boat sooner than planned.
Experience talking.
Graham Stimson
Worldwide Catamarans